Mine

So, turns out, I had a lot to write. I've split it up into 2 parts so it's not so long people lose interest.
Here's part I:

By: Katie Hudson

In the early morning hours of May 24, 2006, just hours after the birth of our beautiful baby boy, a Neonatologists walked into our hospital recovery room and told us that they were going to medivac Logan to Johns Hopkins Hospital because they suspected he had a heart defect, fluid in his lungs, a misaligned stomach tract and…Down syndrome. Wow!! I thought, really? That’s quite a lot to unload on a young, happy, unsuspecting couple in the middle of the night…right? Anyway, you would think that news would overwhelm me, or scare me, and I was scared, don’t get me wrong, but I just knew that everything would be okay. I had this beautiful, serene feeling wash over me, and I promised it would be okay. Everything was going to be fine.

My biggest concern, from that moment on, was Logan’s heart. There was a large hole in it that needed to close in order for him to breathe on his own. I was also concerned about the fluid in his lungs and his need to be on oxygen. I did not even think about Down syndrome.

However, 3 days later, on May 26, 2006 the “test results were back.” We were told that morning that WE would not get the results until 1 p.m. that afternoon. Ummm, if he doesn’t have Down syndrome, why don’t you just tell us now, I thought. Clearly there was a problem. My suspicions were confirmed when 3 doctors and 2 nurses escorted us to a gigantic conference room with cups of water in hand. I don’t know why I remember the cups of water, but it kind of made me chuckle as they we were walking down the long, long empty hallway. I think I was maybe a little panicked that it wasn’t DS afterall, maybe it was something far worse, are we going to be crying so hysterically that we’ll need water to rehydrate us, I wondered.

Luckily, the doctor confirmed to us that Logan’s genetic results came back and he did, in fact, have Down syndrome…phew!! Nothing worse. Again, the calm, peaceful feeling washed over me and I knew we would be okay. I knew Sam and I were strong enough to handle this, I know we were the PERFECT people to have Logan. I honestly felt that we had been chosen for a reason. The 3 of us would be awesome together.
So, this is what’s really, really hard for me to admit. I’m so ashamed of myself and it makes me sad to even remember that I felt this way. While I knew Sam and I would be okay. I doubted my friends and family. I doubted everyone. Can you believe that? Let me explain myself before you slam down your computer!! Most of my friends were having children at the same time as me, some had older ones, some were still in the planning stages, but everyone was on that course. Many friends pointed out that this was great news because our kids would grow up together and accept Logan and never know he’s different. I didn’t believe that. I thought we would probably try to stay connected, but I was pretty sure that our lives would be so completely different that we wouldn’t have time to stay friends anymore. They all had typically developing children, and Logan would be delayed. We wouldn’t have anything in common and I didn’t want to “slow” them down. I just really felt that I would have to make all new friends.
I also didn’t have much faith in our family. None of us new anything about DS, how could I expect them to understand what we had to go through? I believed our parents would be there, but wasn’t so sure about all the rest. No, I was resolved that it would be just the 3 of us from now on.


I realize that we had tons of people coming to visit us, but I truly thought they just felt sorry for us, and that it would stop soon. Boy, was I wrong!!

I guess things started to change for me the following Monday. All weekend long, we had been asking people to just pray that the hole in his heart would close on it’s own so he wouldn’t need to have surgery. On Monday morning, I was in his room by myself when the ultrasound tech came in to check his heart one last time. I’ll never forget the tech looking up at me and whispering, “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but the hole’s gone. It closed up. That’s not something we see everyday.” Wow!! It still makes me cry remembering that moment. A few minutes later the nurse ran in to tell me the good news, she called it a “miracle.” She said, “people must have been praying pretty hard at church yesterday.”
I sort of had a light bulb moment, thinking, really? People had actually prayed for this, for us?

I began to think, okay, maybe I’ll let a few people in to help us (BUT only the very best people). Only the people that will totally and completely love and support Logan. I was determined to only surround myself and my baby with the MOST kind and caring people I could. I was going to build the best support system ever. Turns out, I didn’t have to, it was build for me!!

Fast forward to exactly a year later, looking around at the 100+ people who came to Logan’s 1st birthday party on a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon. I was so thankful that I had been so wrong, a little shocked at just how wrong I had been, but happy nonetheless. I wish I had known then, what I know now.

God never gives you more than you can handle. Even if you think you can’t do it, look around because He makes sure you have the resources to deal with every difficult situation.

I want to take this opportunity to apologize to all of you who I doubted. Everyone who made us dinners, and called every single day to check on us, everyone who sent us cards and flowers, all of you who plunge in the icy cold waters of the Chesapeake bay in January for us, all of you who did the DS walk/run this year, all of you who come to the Special Olympics for the opening ceremonies with us, and to everyone who’s stopped using the r-word. I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you.
You were always there for me. You were ALWAYS there.

But more special than that, you’re there for Logan. You love him…and I know that now. You’ll always look out for him…and I know that now. My friends were right about our children growing up together…and I know that now. Kids already love Logan and watch out for him…and I know that now. He will be accepted by them…because of you!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.