Will Logan have friends?

This is something I constantly worry about. I've worried about it since he was born. Do all parents worry about this with their kids? I'm not sure, but I do know that I don't worry about Maddie having friends, she'll probably just TELL people to be her friend and they'll listen. Georgia's too young for me to worry about that!!! But, Logan, I worry about. I don't know why, he's an adorable, lovable, highly social little guy, but will everyone else see that in him?

I know a couple of really, really, great women who have Down syndrome. They seem to have gotten through middle school and high school just fine and they have GREAT friends. The have this group, called the Circle of Friends, that meets on Friday nights and they do lots of really great stuff together. These ladies are so great and put together and happy and fulfilled it warms my heart. But, where are the boys? I literally don't know any grown up men with DS. I don't even know any teenage boys with DS. So, that's really hard, you know? NOt being able to SEE what Logan's life will probably look like when he's older. If he was a girl, I wouldn't worry because I see Julie, Sharon and Melissa and they're awesome. But no boys.

The one thing I do have is my great friends who have kids the same age as Logan. I have friends who have kids without DS and I have friends who have kids with DS. That makes me feel a little better when I'm lying in bed at night worrying about this.

Now, I feel like I have to disclose something before I go on. I worry A LOT about EVERYTHING. It seems like every year of Logan's life I've worried about something big and it always keeps me up at night, then I get over it and move on to another worry. I think right now I worry about the friend piece because he's actually in school away from me 3 days a week and I worry that he's just sitting in a corner playing by himself everyday. I KNOW he's not, but I sometimes let my imagination get the best of me. There was also an "incident" at the park the other day. Logan wanted to play with some older boys, probably 6ish. They did NOT want to play with him so they started to run away from him. He thought it was a game so he started chasing after them, giggling the whole way. Already my heart was breaking for him, but he didn't seem to care. THEN, the one boy turned around, looked right at my little Logan and screamed, "Jerk!!!" Oh my God!!! I stood there in shock with tears brimming in my eyes, I was just about to go over and yank him away from this terrible scene when my little pistol, Maddie May, came flying over from the other side of the park screaming, "That was NOT NICE, that is NOT a nice thing to say, this is MY brother and you are NOT NICE!!" Then she grabbed his hand and off they went. I have to admit, I couldn't help but smile. She's 2!!!! She's so awesome, sometimes, you know? Logan and Maddie fight like cats and dogs most days, but it's nice to know they love each other, and will take care of each other. But, the scene was still imprinted in my brain, I obviously still think about it. Why do there have to be bullies in this world? Why can't we all just get along? I don't know, but I hear all these stories about these poor, poor teenagers who are KILLING themselves because they're being bullied. I wish we could stop that from happening too.

Wow, I really went off track there. Anyway, yesterday my friend Tricia wrote a blog saying she really feels like DS is "No big whoop" and that everything will work out okay in the end. It made me feel better. But I'm still going to worry, I'm pretty sure it's probably normal to be worried about this. Normal-ish at least, and I'm writing it in case anyone else out there feels the same way. Now you know, you're not alone.

Logan's Lulu

A note from Logan’s Lulu (grandmother)

I have come to realize that being a grandparent is one of life’s greatest balancing acts that a woman can face. You love your children unconditionally and forever, and when one of your children presents you with a grandchild, that unconditional love reaches an all time high. The joy and the love that you feel for this amazing child is unbelievable, all you want to do is be there for them all time the time with hugs and kisses (and special grandmother treats). The balancing act presents itself when you have to come to the realization that you are not the parent and it is vital that you respect the wishes of the parents, even though it may not have been the way you did things with your children.
When my oldest daughter Katie, gave birth to Logan, we were ecstatic! However, within a few hours we learned that he was being sent to Hopkins because his lungs were not receiving optimal oxygen levels, he had an open PDA and low muscle tone and Katie and sam’s pediatrican wanted him at Hopkins. His life was never in danger, but in the next couple of days we learned that they had confirmed the suspicion of Down syndrome.
You may notice at this point, that I have used “we” frequently, because being the overly involved mother that I am, I wanted to be there for my daughter and her husband and my precious new grandson every minute. Believe me when I say that if I could have absorbed the fear and anxiety for them, I would have done it in a heart beat.
My husband and I went home that evening after getting the news that Logan had Down syndrome and talking with the genetics’ for a long time and asking a million questions, we were in a fog. We both immediately got on the computer and looked up everything we could, to better educate ourselves about DS. The one thing that we learned, that we decided would be our focus, was that the development of children with Down Syndrome depends a lot on the child’s environment. We decided that we would do all that we could to help our daughter and her husband provide love, support, education, and any services needed to maximize Logan’s developmental capabilities.
Logan is very lucky to have a mother that is a teacher, and she seemed to know just how to keep him focused on whatever new milestone he was attempting. His Dad has the patience of a saint, and is constantly taking his time to show Logan how to do different things, like kick a soccer ball and go into the ocean.
Needless to say, I was over there almost every day, offering to help, and I so loved spending time with my precious new grandson. I am quite sure that I overdid it in a big way, but I couldn’t help myself.
Logan is now 4 years old and has 2 sisters, Maddie age 2, and Georgia age 3 months. He is an amazing little boy, he sings and dances all the time and always has a hug or a high five for anyone and everyone. His smile is enough to melt your heart. Even strangers are drawn to his happiness.
His sisters provide constant activity for all of us and there is never a dull moment. He is in nursery school 3 days a week, and he really loves it. Besides his allergies and asthma, which he inherited from multiple family members, he is very healthy, and we are so grateful for that outcome.
The opening in his heart, at birth, just went away when he was 2 weeks old. Speech seems to be his biggest challenge, although he is clearly showing great improvement with each passing week.
There is nothing better than when your grandchild calls you on the phone and just goes on and on about what they are doing. I may not understand every word, from either of them, but I have the biggest smile on my face the whole time.
The hardest thing for me to accept was that Logan was not MY child and that MY daughter is now a mother herself. I am no longer in charge of my children’s lives and being a control fanatic, this was a challenge for sure.
So I try very hard to be a grandmother and not a bossy mother. (Why is there no handbook on becoming a grandmother?) I have never had a child with Down syndrome, and I will never walk in my daughters shoes. I respect all that she does, and I think she is an awesome mother, and has embraced Down syndrome passionately.

So just a little side note to all new mothers, especially if you have a child with special needs, “be tolerant of your mothers and mother-in-laws, we are doing our best, our love for our grandchildren is overwhelming and all we want to do is help. We are well aware that we are out of control! But we are too old to change our ways.”
Remember, we changed YOUR diapers! (Ever hear that one before?)

I am actually quite proud to tell people that I have a grandson with Down syndrome. I love to say that we must have done something right in our lives to have been blessed with this remarkable child. He brings total joy and happiness to our lives by just being with him. He is the absolute best thing that has happened to our family. He is truly the light in my heart.

Preschool

I just want to piggy back on what I was saying about inclusion yesterday. There are not many public, inclusive pre-k programs in Baltimore County, so last year Logan attended a private preschool. Honestly, even if there were A LOT of programs out there, I'm pretty sure I still would have sent him to Hunt's. Let me tell you why :) First, I taught at Hunt's Preschool (now Hunt's Church Preschool) when I was in college. I absolutely LOVED it then and always dreamed that my kids would go there.


When Logan was born, I wasn't so sure where he would go. However, 2 years ago when I started looking at preschools a couple of things told me that Logan absolutely HAD to go to Hunt's. First, a new director had taken over, Kathy Goldbeck. Ironically, Kathy was a teacher whom I had worked with at Hunt's. When I worked there I thought Kathy was an amazing teacher, but also someone who truly, truly loved all children. She was also an incredibly open and honest person, and I had the highest respect for her. Soooo, that was a big plus!! Then, when I went to visit, I walked into the class that would be Logan's the following year and saw my former swim team coach was the teacher!!!! I'm sure ALL former Roland Run swimmers remember Becky!!! Becky was the most beloved swim team coach at Roland Run EVER and one of the reasons why I became a teacher. Soooo, another BIG plus. THEN, I went downstairs, to continue the tour, and learned that another one of my former colleagues taught the 3s. Kelley was honestly one of the BEST teachers I have ever worked with. She is SO much fun, so positive and so loving towards the children, I thought, if Logan comes here, his first few years of school will be amazing. Obviously, it was a no brainer.

And, I have say, I have not been disappointed, not for one day. The parents and teachers at Hunt's are so inclusive and so loving and accepting and Logan has thrived there. It's truly a perfect example of how wonderful an open, honest, communicative inclusive environment can be for a child.


So, I would love to take this opportunity to thank Mrs. Goldbeck, Ms. Becky, Ms. Kelley, Mrs. Wagner, Ms. Ann and Ms. Bobby. You have truly made an amazing, remarkable impact on our family's life!!! We will love you and be grateful to you forever. (I know all you Hunt's moms are nodding your heads in agreement right now!!) Thank you :)

Inclusion

Today I get to do one of my favorite things, speak to a group of college students about Down syndrome. I absolutely love doing this because I feel like I'm speaking to Logan's future teachers, and I'm helping them to understand that Logan and his friends are, and will continue to be, wonderful students. They are in fact, beneficial to everyone in the classroom. I've read many, many studies about the importance of inclusion and I naively believed that everyone agreed with me, and had read these studies, and that inclusion would be no problem once we got into "real" school. Last night I attended a CDSPG board meeting and, as I looked around the room, almost every single parent of a school aged child had fought, or was fighting, to have their child included in a regular education class. Can you believe that?!?!?!? We have to FIGHT to have our kids learn with other kids!!! To me this is APPALLING!!!! What's even worse, and so sad to me, is that schools in Maryland, and specifically Baltimore County, are among the WORST in the country for inclusive education. Ugh, it just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that all of my friends, and myself, are going to have to convince people to teach our kids. We have to keep doing it, over and over and over again. I wish I had the time to go to Annapolis and DC and talk to our congressmen and women, I don't right now. BUT, mark my words, I WILL fight for this,I will make it happen, I will prove that Logan and ALL of his buddies should be with everyone elses kids. We'll make it happen in this lifetime!!!
In the meantime, I'm going to keep speaking to future educators, and praying things change. If YOU want to help, check out the Maryland Coalition for Inclusive Education website: http://www.mcie.org/index.asp
And, if you're interested, I've attached an article about the Benefits of Inclusion which I got from the National Down Syndrome Society's Website.

Benefits of Inclusion

A number of studies over the years have reported the various benefits of inclusive education. In 1996, the National Down Syndrome Society published a research report on the inclusion of children with Down syndrome in general education classes1. After analyzing and comparing extensive parent and teacher questionnaires, this study found that with proper support and adequate communication between parents, teachers and professionals, inclusion is a favorable educational placement for children with Down syndrome. The study also found that the learning characteristics of students with special needs were more similar to their nondisabled peers than they were different. Moreover, teachers reported positive experiences with students with Down syndrome. They described their students as eager to learn, especially when encouraged, and reported personal satisfaction in terms of their professional achievements.

Literature documenting successful inclusion practices is significant and growing. An analysis by Baker, Wang and Walberg in 1994 concluded that “special-needs students educated in regular classes do better academically and socially than comparable students in non-inclusive settings2.” Research by Hollowood et al., (1995) found inclusion was not detrimental to students without disabilities3. In fact, a national study of inclusive education conducted in 1995 by the National Center on Educational Restructuring and Inclusion (NCERI) reported academic, behavioral and social benefits for students with and without disabilities4. The study also concluded that students within each of IDEA’s 13 categories of disability, at all levels of severity, have been effectively integrated into general education classrooms. NCERI also reported positive outcomes and high levels of professional fulfillment for teachers. A number of other studies confirming the educational and social benefits of inclusion for students with and without disabilities can be found in the reference list at the end of this publication5,6,7.

In May 2000, the Indiana Inclusion Study8 investigated the academic benefits of inclusive education for students without disabilities. This study concluded that students without disabilities who were educated in inclusive settings made significantly greater progress in math than their peers. Although their progress in reading was not significantly greater than their peers, there was a “consistent pattern” in their scores that favored educating students without disabilities in inclusive settings.

This and other research has highlighted improved academic skills, social skills, communication skills and peer relationships as four of the most important benefits of inclusion. Nondisabled students can serve as positive speech and behavior role models for those with disabilities and students with disabilities offer their nondisabled peers acceptance, tolerance, patience and friendship. As allies and friends, peers can offer support both in and out of the classroom. These findings show that everyone involved in inclusive schooling can benefit from the experience.

My Mimi

My Mimi wrote today's blog. It's so special because it's right from her heart. I will say, Logan absolutely LOVES Mimi, he's all smiles when she's around and he does always do a little dance when he sees her.

KNOWING LOGAN HAS BEEN THE MOST REWARDING HAPPENING IN MY LIFE.



EVERY TIME I SEE HIM IT BRINGS A SMILE TO MY FACE. THAT SMILE COMES FROM WITHIN



BECAUSE I LOVE THAT PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY SO MUCH. HE IS SUCH A HAPPY LITTLE



BOY, HE EVEN DANCES IN CIRCLES WHEN I AM AROUND. I FEEL GOD HAS REWARDED



EVERYONE WHO KNOWS LOGAN, HE IS SO SPECIAL. YOU AND SAM ARE WONDERFUL PARENTS



AND I THINK THAT LOGAN KNOWS THIS AND I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT HE HAS YOU AND SAM.



NOT ONLY IS HE IN MY HEART ALL THE TIME , BUT HE IS IN MY PRAYERS AS YOU AND SAM



AND THE GIRLS ARE ALWAYS. YOU ARE BLESSED TO HAVE HM, WE ALL ARE.